Hari Khalsa

Hannah Chana Hanna Hana

1 out of every 391 baby girls born in 2021 are named Hannah.


Before I had an online dating profile, I had a girlfriend, and her name was Hannah. Or it is Hannah; she’s still alive, last I checked. Don’t worry, I know how this all will sound, but I’m not that kind of weirdo.

The second Hana was an accident. Not an accident in that I accidentally dated her, but an accident in the sense that I did not know her name was Hana. Though I’m almost positive that is a lie. She worked at Trader Joes. They all wear name tags.

What are your favorite things to recommend?

Let’s see, oh, so I love the Serat Cheese Spread, Serat like the wine, and there’s this Meatless Bulgogi which is actually really good.

I went on two dates with Hana. The first, coffee. The second, dinner then ice cream and a walk in the park. We both agreed we had a great time. We kissed at the end of the second, and she told me I was a special person. We made a commitment to see each other again soon. I texted her the next day that I didn’t feel the chemistry.

If you were on Tinder-Bumble-Hinge in Los Angeles in 2018 and you were a woman between the ages of twenty and thirty-nine years old and you had your settings set to “woman looking for man” with a radius set to LA + 25 miles, then you may have stumbled across my profile.

I only date girls named Hannah*. If your name is not Hannah, please do not waste my time. I’m serious.
*All alternative spellings of the name Hannah are permitted.

My mother had OCD. One-one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand. Her name was not Hannah in case you were wondering. Many people do wonder that. It was Beth.

You may not believe me, but my accounts were filled with matches named Hannah-Chana-Hanna-Hana. They may have been there out of curiosity, or maybe because the apps favor those who are movie-star handsome. I left out mention of my severe social anxiety, OCD, ADHD, and the rest.


Hannah (Hebrew: חַנָּה, romanized: Ḥannāh) also spelled Hanna, Hana or Chana, is a feminine given name of Hebrew origin. It is derived from the root ḥ-n-n, meaning "favor" or "grace".


Two out of every ten of these Hannah-Chana-Hanna-Hanas agreed to go on a date with me. The riches are in the niches, my father would say. He ran a successful private investigation business specializing in workman’s compensation fraud.  

This was how I met Hannah.

Hannah was great. We dated for two years, after which we still weren’t tired of each other, and so we dated for another two. I proposed to her on the beach next to the Santa Monica Pier. She said yes, though she had to think about it. She looked almost sad when I asked her.

You don’t have to.

Of course, I don’t have to.

Three months later we were married, and two months after that she died in a head on collision with a semi-truck while driving with a girlfriend from LA to Albuquerque.  

I never had a relationship after that, a Hannah-Chana-Hanna-Hana, or any other names.

I started a website called Hannah.com. A place for Hannah-Chana-Hanna-Hanas to connect with each other. I paid a guy in Fresno five thousand dollars for the domain name. It would prove to be a bargain.

Last month we reached one million monthly visitors. Next month we’re taking on our first advertisers, an online succulent company called SUQLNT, and an organic eyeliner company from Guatemala called Beauty Nature First.  

I started a podcast. HannahAnotherThing. We opened an office in Barton Springs in Austin, Texas. I hired two employees to keep up with it all. Hannah and Hannah. They call us the three Hannahs.


1 out of every 4,039,000 baby boys born in the United States in 1985 are named Hannah.

Hari Khalsa studied filmmaking at Santa Fe University of Art and Design and is the founder of The Southwest School of Storytelling, which holds creative writing programs in Santa Fe, New Mexico. His work has been published in Muleskinner and Flash Fiction Magazine. Sincerely, Hari Khalsa